The Parable of the Pizzas

What do you think? A man had two sons. To each he said, “Go and sell pizza.”

And the first said, “Yea, I shall do my father’s will, but to the gays getting married I shall not sell pizza. For the six scripture verses are clear to me, both the verses next to the ones condemning shellfish and mixed fiber clothing, and the ones uttered by Paul, though peculiarly never by Jesus. Very truly I tell you, I am certain of their meaning; it hath been revealed to me that these specific sayings of the Ancient Near East are worthy of literal acceptance in the Year of Our Lord 2015.” And he didst spake it unto Fox News.  

And the second son said, “Yea, I too shall sell pizza. But to the poor and homeless I will not sell pizza. Rather and verily, I will permit my patrons to pay for extra slices for the least of these my brothers and sisters. They wilt share their good works via Post-It, so that all who enter our doors will see the glory of free pizza and give thanks, and all will be fed.” 

And the news of the two sons and their pizzas spread far and wide.

And it came to pass, the wrath of the Internet rained on the head of the first son, both the righteous anger and the immature trollishness, until the first son closed his doors. And behold, a GoFundMe site came into being, and a large multitude showed their support for the man, and his six scripture verses. 

pizza_custom-e8c20e171a874bed213c97937f44826dc4b4784e-s1700-c85And the deeds of the second son spread across the land with a great many shares, becoming as a holy virus to all people. So many didst tell the story that it was recorded on the hallowed scrolls of Upworthy. And the homeless did come, and went away rejoicing, their bellies full. And all who heard of it found themselves desiring to be better people and to share light unto the world.

Let anyone with ears to hear, listen! Which of these did the will of the father?

Go and do likewise.

6 thoughts on “The Parable of the Pizzas

  1. Jo Ann Staebler

    heh heh. Sounds good to me. Especially if it’s healthful pizza, like with whole grain crust.

    Reply
  2. Bob Braxton

    Luke 6: and if two men or two women enter your wedding-cake bakery shop and demand your wedding cake (with payment, of course) do not only bake them the cake they ask of you but also bake them a second cake as well (something about coat and cloak, turn the other cheek, walk the second mile – go with him Twain) – conveniently overlooked in the Christian zeal of some who pick at their plate of biblical food for only the morsels they are most fond of).

    Reply
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